Saskatchewan zum schmunzeln

Hier mal ein bisschen Wissenskunde über Saskatchewan und seine Bewohner....

erstmal vorab:
The handles on our beer cases are big enough to fit your hands with mitts on. OOOoohhhhh Canada!!
(die griffe unserer bierpackung sind gross genug das du sie mit handschuhen tragen kannst.)

Die Grundausstatutung eines Saskatchewaners:
Bier oder Rye, Gewehr, Angel,Pickup


Rules for entering Saskatchewan - apply to everyone
Regeln Saskatchewan zu betreten:
1 So every person in every pickup waves. It's called being friendly.
2 Yeah, we eat Beef and bison. You really want sushi & caviar? It's available at the corner bait shop.
3 No, there's no "vegetarian special" on the menu. Order steak. Or you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham & turkey.
4 Yeah, we have golf courses. But don't hit the water hazards - it spooks the fish.
5 Colleges? Try our U of Sask. They come outta there with an education plus a love for God and country, and they still wave at passing pickups when they come for the holidays.
6 The word "Saskatchewan" is Cree for "What the hell am I doing here?"
At some point in time, for reasons unexplained, every single child born in Saskatchewan will stick their tongue to a metal fence when it is 30 below out
An exposed 12 pack of beer will freeze in 12 minutes at -35


Top Ten Reasons to Live in Saskatchewan
Top 10 Gründe in Saskatchewan zu leben.

10) It's a damn easy province to draw
9) You don't ever have to worry about fixing your parking brake
8) You can watch the dog run away from home for hours
7) Now leeches are GOOD for you!
6) Driving off the road isn't such a big deal
5) It's always Happy Hour!
4) Those cool Saskatchewan Wheat Pool hats
3) For 8 months of the year, the dogshit is too frozen to worry about
2) Mosquitos keep you from gaining too much weight
1) YOUR Roughriders survived

Saskatchewan Wind Scale:

Wind Speed Weather Category:
0-50 kmh Calm
50-100 kmh Slight air movement
100-150 kmh Light breeze
150-200kmh Breezy
200-225 kmh Light Wind
225-250 kmh Gusty
250-300 kmh Windy
300+ kmh Hide the chickens

The Canadian National Temperature Conversion Guide:

10C = Vancouverites try to turn on the heat. Saskatchewanians plant gardens.
5C = Victorians shiver uncontrollably. Regina people sunbathe.
3C = Italian cars won't start. Regina people drive with the windows down.
0C = Distilled water freezes. Regina water gets thicker
-5C = Torontonians wear coats, gloves and wool hats. Saskatchewanians throw on a t-shirt.
-10C = Quebecers begin to evacuate the province. Saskatchewanians go swimming.
-20C = Toronto landlords finally turn up the heat. Saskatchewanians have the last cookout before it gets cold.
-25C = People in Vancouver cease to exist. Saskatoonians lick flagpoles.
-30C = Calgarians fly away to Mexico. Regina people throw on a light jacket.
-40C = Hamilton disintegrates. Regina people rent some videos which probably include those that offer tips on how to excel on pokerstars and other online gaming sites.
-60C = Mt. St. Helens freezes. Regina Girl Scouts begin selling cookies door to door.
-80C = Polar bears begin to evacuate the arctic.Saskatoon Boy Scouts postpone
"Winter Survival" classes until it gets cold enough.
-100C = Santa Claus abandons the North Pole. Regina people pull down their earflaps.

Things you'll never hear in Saskatchewan...
Sätze die du niemals in Saskatchewan hören wirst...
Duct tape isn't going to fix that.
(die reparieren alles wirklich alles mit isolierband)
I think John Deere Green looks tacky
No kids in the back of the pickup, it's just not safe
Why would we need beer? I thought we were just going fishing, (hunting, golfing, for a drive, curling, across the street)
Honey, we don't need another dog
Aw Tim Horton's again, there's a Starbucks down the street
(Tim Horton ist des Canadiers Kaffeemaschine)
Why would you need a big truck like that?
Nope, no more for me, I'm snowmobiling home
I don't think drinking grain alcohol would be a good idea.
Honey, I think we should sell the pickup and buy a family sedan.
The tires on that truck are too big.

You know you've been in Saskatchewan too long when..
Du bist schon zu lang in Saskatchewan, wenn....
Your idea of a traffic jam is waiting to get onto Highway 2 at the Turbo.
"Vacation" means "back to school" shopping in Moose Jaw, and if you're lucky, Saskatoon.
You've seen all the biggest bands ten years after they were popular, like Trooper.
You measure distance in hours, like 2.5 hours to P.A. and you measure time in beers, like, we've only been here for two beers.
South to you means Saskatoon, not Florida.
Winnipeg is "back east".
Everyone you know has hit either deer, elk, moose or cattle.
Your school cancels classes because of cold, but only when it was -40 or colder, and the School's boiler ran out of coal.
You know someone who has died right after saying " Hold my beer and watch this".
You've had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day.
(gestern minus 15 heute plus 28 grad)
You see a car running in the parking lot at the store with no one in it,
no matter what time of the year.
(entweder für die klimaanlage oder die Heizung)
You've stopped by the local bar to cash a check.
Your emergency road kit consist of jumper cables and a bottle of rye.
You know what "Cow Tipping", "Garden Raiding" and "Snipe Hunting" are.
You only own 4 spices: salt, pepper, ketchup and cheese whiz.
You know someone who's lost their license due to an impaired driving
charge and have seen their snowmobile parked at the local bar.
You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
You've gone to a grocery store on a snowmobile.
Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow.
You have never owned a vehicle that did not have cracks in the windshield.
You get a little claustrophobic when you're in a "big city" like Saskatoon
and their traffic is "just awful, you wouldn't believe it".
You think sexy winter lingerie is a flannel nightie and tube socks.
Driving in the winter is often simply a matter of staying between the fence posts.
The local paper covers national and international headlines on one page,
but requires 6 pages for Roughriders.
Your radio antenna is an old clothes hanger or piece of baling wire.
You find -20 degrees "a little chilly".
You know all 4 seasons: Almost Winter, Winter, Still Winter and Construction.
You know what a Prairie Oyster is and have a recipe for them.
Not only have you actually had to warn someone not to stick their tongue on a metal fence in the winter, but you've then had to pour hot water all him to get the stupid bugger off.
You know someone who's shot themselves accidentally.

Ja Saskatchewaner können über sich selbst lachen, ok wir sind 40 Jahre hinter der Zeit aber das macht Spass.
Man sagt auch die Präries (Manitoba, Saskatchewan) sind der Freiraum zwischen Ontario und Alberta.

P.S. wenn ihr auf die bilder klickt kann man die vergrössern und lesen...